It can be hard to make friends but throw in anxiety and it is like trying to put a cork back into a wine bottle; it is a bad fit.

I’ve had social anxiety for five years now and in that time, I have spent most of it avoiding the people around me.

Last year I moved to a new area and I have been trying to make new friends because as reluctant as I am, I know I should socialise. Being thirty, approaching someone at a gathering is like handing them a business card. It’s time-consuming, you get odd looks and you feel awkwardly uncomfortable. I have found it near impossible to build a group of new friends.

Is it me? Am I a bad friend? Am I doing this all wrong? All these questions roam my mind until any effort is futile.

The thing is, my anxiety makes me a difficult person to get along with. When I am having a good day, I will message everyone on my phone arranging meet-ups but when things inevitably turn sour, there I am cancelling everything last minute for no reason aside from my unpredictable mood.

The minutest of things can create the never-ending list of possible disasters should I socialise. Perhaps I won’t like my drink, perhaps I will spill it, it might be expensive, they might want to share a platter and split the bill, I might get lost or take too long in the bathroom, but the worst is my perpetuating fear that I will have a panic attack in public. It can be pretty much anything my brain can think of and circulate in my head like a sprawling migraine until I relent and cancel.

Of course, we shouldn’t shy away from the ugly side of mental illness and I do have some coping mechanisms that can help me get out and about, but I cannot help but think even these are adding to the problem.

I dictate where we go because I need to see the menu beforehand, plan my route to the counter, toilets and fire exits. I cannot handle spur of the moment decisions, so pub crawls and shopping trips are out of the question. I can’t drink because although it puts my anxiety at ease it heightens depression. Being the only sober one at a gathering means my patience wears thin, especially when everyone reaches that merry stage. When I hit my daily limit of pretending to be friendly, I simply get up and leave. Halfway through a conversation, a drink or a meal? I don’t care. Once my limit is reached I am out of there. The problem with that is, aside from the obvious rudeness, I forget that I am not the only one with mental health problems. I forget that my actions may negatively impact those I am with but at that moment in time I simply cannot see it.

So, you see, it is no wonder making friends that stick around is hard. Finding friends who will willingly stand by me during my bad days is even harder. I know I let people down at the last minute and I see why they are reluctant to make plans with a person who may drop them with less than an hour’s notice, but bear with me, I am trying.

Until the time comes when my anxiety doesn’t rule my every action, please approach with caution.

As adults, we can recognise and talk about our feelings about anxiety, but with children, it is a little harder. Children generally cannot directly say that they are feeling anxious so it is important that we learn to recognise the signs.

Below are seven signs to watch out for:

1. They constantly think negatively

Pessimism is a clear indicator of anxiety. It can show in the form of always expecting the worst or feeling nervous that something bad will happen. This can show in the form of your child being afraid of going to school in case the car crashes or the house burns down. It can also show in smaller ways too like worrying they will fall over if they run.

2. Physical pains

It is common for children with anxiety to experience headaches and stomach pains. Dr M. Greshon has coined the term “second brain” referring to the stomach. Unlike the brain, the stomach can only send physical messages hence the pain signals to the brain. This may come in the form of tightness, butterflies, aches and cramps.

3. Everything must be perfect

It is understandable that when your child creates a nice picture they want it to look just as they imagined it but when it takes over other activities it can become intrusive. If they destroy something they have made because of a small mistake or become panicked/enraged, this can be a sign that they have anxiety. Help your child to understand that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay for things to not be perfect.

4. Procrastination

This goes hand in hand with perfectionism. Many children and teens often cope with fear or mistakes by putting off doing something. Others’ may procrastinate because they feel overwhelmed, they might think the task is too difficult thus they put it off as long as is possible. You can help your child by breaking tasks into smaller parts so that they feel accomplished and rewarding them after completing each part.

5. Sleep problems

Anxious children often find it hard to settle and sleep at night. Setting a bedtime routine can lower anxiety. If your child is worried that you may leave after they fall asleep try checking in on them regularly to reassure them that you are still there.

6. Tantrums and crying

Both adults and children with anxiety tend to have irrational fears. Whilst adults can generally understand and push through, children cannot grasp this. The feelings they feel are very real to them so it is important to explain to them the rationale behind their emotions.

7. Eating behaviours

If you notice that your child prefers to eat alone or is extremely picky about food and timings, then it is a clear sign they have anxiety.

“Picky eating is associated with anxiety, depression and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder”. Children who had intense food aversions (like being unable to eat outside of the home) “were seven times more likely to have social anxiety and twice as likely to have a diagnosis of depression compared to children without selective eating habits.”

Paediatrics journal

You know your child best. Use these guidelines to help your child overcome anxiety but it is important to understand that there are signs not listed above. If you need further support do contact your GP.

Exercise is one of the best ways of improving your sense of well-being. Sometimes, however, you might feel a lack of motivation to get you going. Here are a few simple ways of including some exercises into your daily life before you take the next step of joining a Gym or sports clubs etc.

A lovely way of exercising is walking. It’s really easy to do and doesn’t put too much stress on your joints. Also, you can do it almost anywhere. I walk during the TV Ad breaks! If you walk briskly enough (and this is important if you want to lose weight,) you can fit between 300 to 500 steps during the average commercial break. Sitting down for too long watching TV is not good for your health and well-being so getting up and walking up and down your living room is simply a no brainer. Remember to wear non-slip footwear and to turn on alternate legs and you’ve got a great little mini-workout. You can quickly tally up 2000 to 3000 steps during an average TV programme. So forget using the remote control to channel hop during the advert breaks and get walking instead. The feeling of satisfaction you get is great and your body will thank you for it too.

And this leads me to another easy way of increasing your exercise. Put the remote control out of reach! It’s so easy to change channels by using this little device we have to hand. How about replacing it back with the TV? You automatically have to get up and down from your seat several times in one evening to change channels that way. To make this even more effective you can even pop in a few low key exercises or stretches whilst you’re up. The key here is to get you moving and stretching.

Pep up your chores. We all have to keep our homes clean, so how about incorporating some exercises into your chores? When you are vacuuming, do some lunges rather than just using the vac. Instead of using a long-handled duster all of the time, only use this for those places you really can’t reach. Combine stretches instead. And for those low-level places such as skirting boards, make sure you stretch and reach again. Have fun designing your own cleaning workout and include some upbeat music. Your chores will be completed in super-quick time; you’ll have fun and burn extra calories too.

Exercise whilst waiting for the laundry to finish or the carrots to cook (or whenever you get that five minutes to spare) How about doing a few press-ups against the kitchen or utility wall? Jog on the spot? A few lunges are ideal. Don’t overdo it and remember when your muscles are cold you don’t want to go to your maximum. The idea is just to get yourself moving rather than just standing there.

You’ll have heard this one before, but it works: use the stairs rather than the lift. It doesn’t take any more time in the long run and you will use those thigh muscles which will help burn calories quite quickly. As you get fitter you can start to jog up the stairs or walk up the two steps at a time to add intensity.

If you use a car to drive to work, try parking a short distance away if possible. Similarly, if you take the bus or train can you get off a stop or a station or two further from your workplace? Equally, park in the farthest space from the store entrance when you do your weekly shop. The added walk will soon increase your daily steps.

Speak to colleagues rather than email them. I must admit this is a favourite of mine. You can combine taking the stairs, getting up from your desk, and seeing how the company operates by going to different departments. You can sometimes sort out your query quicker by having a face-to-face conversation. Should you need a record of the conversation for some reason you can soon send out a quick summary email.

I hope you have enjoyed this short article and if you will soon be bringing exercise into your daily life.

Look out for more blogs from me when I’ll be covering other subjects that will help you look after your health and well-being.

Susan Young

Hypnotherapy is one of the most successful ways to safely and easily quit smoking. Recently a client came back to me three years after a smoking cessation course to tell me that he has not had a cigarette since our sessions. A smoking cessation programme costs £150.00. If you smoke 20 cigarettes a day you spend close to £3,000 a year on Tabaco alone think about what you could do with those savings.

If you want to reduce your weight without diets and deprivation, hypnotherapy is a proven way to change eating habits. Hypnotherapy removes these barriers by addressing emotional eating, negative thoughts/feelings associated with your body and desire to eat. The power of your mind can help increase the desire for nourishing foods, water and exercise.

Hypnotherapy has changed my outlook on food.

I don’t have to eat the chocolate just because it is there.

Like a drink but want to cut back or stop? Hypnotherapy is the most effective way of removing habits, unwanted behaviours and addictions. It is a quick and completely safe method.

Struggling to cope with stress? Stress can be a good thing but too much can negatively impact your life. Stress reduction with hypnosis is an easy way to establish deep relaxation. It is effective in enhancing your general well-being, leaving you calmer, more positive and refreshed.

Re-programme your mind to achieve success in your life be it work or relationship orientated. Hypnotherapy can help motivate and improve self-confidence.

Fears and phobias can hold us back restricting our lives. The unconscious mind’s primary function is to protect us from emotional and physical harm. This is where these types of problems arise from. By going back, you can discover the cause that has brought on the issue which then can be resolved.

Hypnotherapy is also a powerful way of resolving the negative effects of IBS- so much so that now it is recommended by the NHS.

Depression and anxiety can be caused or exacerbated by critical things we say to ourselves. We all have negative thoughts, but when these take over our lives, it becomes damaging. Hypnotherapy can reframe negative cycles and helps us towards positive ones.

Every thought you have has a physical reaction in your body. Start using the power of your mind to heal your body. Hypnotherapy can change the way you feel and the way you view things. We only have one life so we might as make the most of it!

So, if you are someone who wants to stop smoking, lose weight, cut back on alcohol but find your willpower wilting -or if a phobia is taking over your life then hypnotherapy is right for you.

Many experience fatigue after eating.

Especially after enjoying a large meal, but why do we feel tired from eating?

What are the causes of fatigue after eating

• Reactive hypoglycaemia

After a meal, dense in carbohydrates, you may experience reactive hypoglycaemia, which leaves you feeling fatigued after eating and may also lead to irritability, light-headedness and headaches. This is caused by a spike in your insulin production. When your body finishes digesting, your levels dramatically drop, resulting in a sugar crash.

• Tryptophan

This increases the production of serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for moods, sleep and regulating bowel movements. Foods high in tryptophan cause spikes in insulin leaving you drowsy after meals.

• Alkaline tide

This occurs during the first two hours of digestion and elevates the blood’s pH level. The process produces an alkaline which is released into the plasma of the stomach and makes the blood from the stomach more alkaline.

• Allocation of resources

The theory goes that oxygen and blood are allocated to the digestive system in the same way muscles are used when working out, but this theory is not scientifically backed, but it could explain the fatigue.

• Certain conditions

Diabetes and Hypothyroidism can cause fatigue after eating. Diabetes reduces the absorption of glucose and Hypothyroidism makes the glands unable to produce sufficient thyroid hormones.

• Quality of food

Consuming food will leave you tired and fatigued. In contrast, vitamin foods can boost energy levels.

• Portions

Large portions of unhealthy foods can leave you sleepy. Reducing portion size and eating smaller meals frequently allows your body to digest smaller portions, which will leave you feeling less tired.

• Allergies

Consuming food you are allergic to can lead to fatigue, as your body battles to rid itself of the allergen, expanding energy as your immune system protects your body. Check out our allergy nurse Marlene for more information.

How to avoid excessive sleepiness after meals

Once you have sourced what is causing the sleepiness, below are some tips to avoid it.

• Avoid high sugar and carbs

Those foods high in sugar and carbohydrates can leave us drowsy during digestion. Skipping these two in your lunch can help you remain alert in the afternoon.

• Move around after eating

Improve digestion and the effects of Tryptophan by doing some light exercise, taking a walk, washing up or taking the stairs back to your desk.

• Caffeine

A cup of tea or coffee will help if you are unable to do some exercise after eating. The caffeine will stimulate you keeping you feeling alert.

• Nap

Taking a 20-30-minute nap after a large meal will help your digestion process the food and ward off additional drowsiness.

• Food diary

Keep a record of which foods and habits leave you feeling sleepy. After two weeks look back and see what foods and trends you need to avoid.

• Eat breakfast

Eating a well-balanced breakfast prevents you from snacking on unhealthy foods midmorning and lunchtime.

• Eat right at lunch

Avoid fast food which is full of sugar, carbs and salt that will make you feel sleepy. Opt for nutritional foods to better fuel your body and give you energy.

• Snacking

Eating a healthy snack can boost energy levels in the afternoon when most start to feel sluggish.

• Avoid alcohol

Alcohol is a sedative full of sugars and carbs, meaning it causes drowsiness quicker. During meals aim to drink water or sugar-free juices to prevent post-meal fatigue.

• Be hydrated

Ensure you drink enough fluids to remain hydrated and reduce feeling fatigued after eating.

Fatigue after eating can be due to medical conditions, large portions, poor choice, and the digestion process. While it is common it is not something that must be experienced. Try some of the above tips and feel more alert in the afternoons.

Depression, is a mental illness, yes, but is it more than that? Can it be emotional?

I cannot be seen. You hurry past me and I am invisible.

You do not hear me; my words hold each other back.

 

Depression took twenty-five years of my life until I realised there was a connection between it and my shyness in childhood. I clearly remember when those suppressed feelings erupted and took me down with the blackest cloud I experienced.

I was a happy child. I was sensitive and that was all-encompassing. All those little spats with siblings, parents and peers didn’t wash away, they sank inwards. Every negative interaction was forensically analysed. I never fought back, I held it all in. As independent social interactions grew, I retreated further. When I hit my teens I clearly remember wanting to die purely because I was sad. I had every opportunity growing up; I went to a good school, I attended sports clubs and Scouts. There was every opportunity to release my feelings, but I just wasn’t made that way. All my pain was internalised. The sadness of not feeling included, though I was. The feeling of not being strong, my incapability to engage all processed itself in a negative way.

Shyness in childhood and teenage depression

The trajectory was a long progression from a shy child to a depressed teen. My shyness centred around a lack of self-confidence to speak, interject and express how I feel outwardly. Even now I still struggle.

I commented to a friend recently that I write better than I speak. He said he is the opposite. Both have their strengths, but ultimately expression is paramount.

There are ways through this, ways to help yourself and others from harming themselves.

Move out of your comfort zone

Put yourself in social situations without giving it much thought. Retrain your brain with regard to how you see others. Start a conversation your words aren’t poison. Granted not everyone will embrace you but that doesn‚Äôt matter. Stop punishing yourself. When you feel isolated allow yourself to be consumed by other things-venture out.

The root of shyness is sensitivity. It can be the greatest gift but only when used in the right way. Shyness can either be your friend or destroy you.

I can only speak for myself. Sensitivity led me inwards and to ultimately stand on my feelings until they took my feet from under me. So, dance around the kitchen in your pyjamas with your friend who can’t dance publicly, sing into your hairbrush and meet friends in new places. Remember it is okay to look inwards, but set it loose. Ultimately it is how you feel that really matters and if you feel sad inside, it’s not the place for those emotions.

If you would like information regarding how our treatments can help you overcome the shy-depression cycle, please contact us below.

Use the right support networks and help those around you utilise their sensitivity.