The Devon Clinic is looking for single parents in Torbay to participate in a short survey.
The results will enable us to apply for funding. this means that we will once again be in a position to help and support single parents coping with stress and anxiety.
A recent survey has found that more British adults are suffering from stress than ever before. Work pressure, financial worries and health concerns all contribute to rising levels of stress.
The survey carried out by Axa of 4,000 individuals reported that four out of five adults surveyed felt stressed during a typical working week. Out of those, one in ten reported being stressed all the time.
The workplace stress was linked to the always-on culture where people were taking calls and checking emails outside of work hours. Two-thirds were worried about their salary prospects and being able to pay household bills if they didn’t continue to work in the evenings and during the weekends.
Men were more likely to be stressed at work than women the survey found. Many said they indulge in negative habits to combat stress. Alcohol, energy drinks, overeating, and smoking were top of the list. Exercising came at top of the list of positive things men did to control stress which is encouraging.
As you’d expect, those working in large co-operations in large cities came higher on the stress scale than those working in small towns or those within a smaller company.
It is important to differentiate work from home for the sake of your health and the health of those around you. We all need some stress in our lives but is it when this stress becomes all-consuming you need to step back and access where things need to be adjusted.
Christmas and the summer holidays are the most stressful times of the year for many parents. The Christmas holiday period is a mass of social interactions and buying everything to create the perfect day. It is no wonder us parents are stressed to the hills! We buy gifts for their school teachers, club leaders and mountains of cards for their friends, and that even before we get close to the big day. I dread the annual trudge through town and all those last-minute panics trying to get my hands on that must-have but sold out toy. This year, I can come up with a plan to make this all manageable.
Plan Ahead
Make a list of things you need to do early; food shopping, gifts, decorations, posts, seating arrangements and invites. Prioritise the items on your list; can they be done now and most importantly, are they essential?
Don’t forget to delegate tasks to family and friends especially if they will be with you over the Christmas period.
Shop Online
Now, I am not saying do not shop locally, I am saying that with the larger chain stores you can save time by ordering online and having your items delivered/collect in store.
Christmas Cards
If you haven’t already, start now! Write a few each day and keep them in a pile for when you are ready to post and distribute them.
Know When to Stop
Pick a date when you will stop preparations and start to actually enjoy the holiday. Use your plan to make this achievable.
Christmas Day and Beyond
Keep Calm!
Play some relaxing music, take time out to gather your thoughts or do some mindfulness. At the end of the day maybe light a nice candle and take a relaxing bath.
Avoid caffeinated drinks as this will raise your cortisol levels- fight or flight.
Have an Escape Plan
It is a good idea to have some pre-planned excuses to escape to when things become a little too stressful. Use your imagination; say you need to phone a friend or check on a neighbour, anything to give you those precious ten minutes of silent calm.
Avoid Drinking Too Much
Most articles will tell you to avoid alcohol but let’s face it, it’s Christmas! Enjoy a few spaced-out drinks just don’t go overboard.
Finally, and most importantly, HAVE FUN!
Remember it is your Christmas too so try and relax enough to enjoy it. If things do not turn out exactly as you had planned, don’t worry, I bet no one noticed.
A new survey has shown that Instagram is the worst ranking social medic platform in terms of impact on the mental health of young people.
1,479 young people (aged 14-24) surveyed, showed Instagram was positive in terms of self-expression but hugely negative in how they saw their body image, sleep, and fear of missing out. In addition, many said they felt panic-stricken and physically sick if they do not post regular images of themselves on social media.
Shockingly, Facebook addiction can now be picked up on brain scans of those who cannot stay off the platform, affecting grey matter in similar ways to cocaine.
Here are twelve sings that you too could be addicted to social media platforms;
1. When you eat out by the time the drinks arrive you already have your phone out. You have photographed and applied a hashtag to each course and between courses are taking selfies.
2. The first thing you do upon waking is reach for your phone which is always within arms reach or even in your bed. You instantly check for messages and check how many likes or shares your witty comment/photo from last night got.
3. You get caught trying to update social media whilst helping your children with their homework.
4. You greet your friends at a social gathering by tweeting them instead of approaching them in person.
5. You take your phone to the toilet, so you can check on a photo you posted or were tagged in.
6. Someone asks you on Monday morning how your weekend was, and you instantly become offended that they do not know because you did splash it across all the platforms.
7. You like, favourite and pin your own posts and photos on your accounts.
8. You are constantly checking in everywhere you go even if it is at the doctors, supermarket, cafe or bus stop.
9. Upon hearing the sad news that someone famous has died you jump straight online to check it out and learn all that you can about their career in order not to feel left out of online conversations. You even #RIP even if you have no idea who they were.
10. If someone tells you a joke you instantly say lol‚ instead of physically laughing.
11. You get yourself into a panic when watching a popular television show because you want to be the first on the timeline to say something humorous.
12. The phrase “hashtag” has become an everyday part of your vocabulary.
If you or someone you know has an addiction to social media we can help, contact us below.
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Many find Christmas a stressful time of year and it is mainly due to expectations. We all frantically worry about purchasing the right gift, preparing the perfect spread, and decorating the house in time for one that one specific day of the year.
Here are my top stress-busting tips to help you have fun and to avoid being frazzled.
Have conversations with your guests in advance regarding their expectations and reach a compromise.
If cost is a worry, set limits for gifts, and ask guests to bring a platter or bottle with them.
During your conversations with family about expectations, discuss what you want to do. It is okay to turn something down like cooking the meal. Try to have alternative suggestions such as everyone pitching in or bringing a tray of something.
If you are hosting on the day, it is a good idea to get the preparation out of the way-simple things like prepping the meal and wrapping presents in advance. During the run-up to Christmas have a list of tasks that need completing and share them amongst your friends and family.
Do not be afraid to ask your guests for help. There is no need to fall into the trap of trying to be the perfect host if anything it’s exhausting! Get everyone to pitch in, children especially like to feel helpful.
If you are worried your guests might not get on, break the day up and go for a walk. This will give everyone the chance to chat or even to stay home if tension builds. Alternatively, you can ask guests to make drinks, prepare snacks or help you tidy up.
Christmas day can whiz by in a blur because you have been frantically chasing around after others. Remember, it is your Christmas too and you should enjoy it. Make time for yourself during the day so that you can enjoy it too.
If you are finding the pressure of the season too much you can contact us, we can help.
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It can be hard to make friends but throw in anxiety and it is like trying to put a cork back into a wine bottle; it is a bad fit.
I’ve had social anxiety for five years now and in that time, I have spent most of it avoiding the people around me.
Last year I moved to a new area and I have been trying to make new friends because as reluctant as I am, I know I should socialise. Being thirty, approaching someone at a gathering is like handing them a business card. It’s time-consuming, you get odd looks and you feel awkwardly uncomfortable. I have found it near impossible to build a group of new friends.
Is it me? Am I a bad friend? Am I doing this all wrong? All these questions roam my mind until any effort is futile.
The thing is, my anxiety makes me a difficult person to get along with. When I am having a good day, I will message everyone on my phone arranging meet-ups but when things inevitably turn sour, there I am cancelling everything last minute for no reason aside from my unpredictable mood.
The minutest of things can create the never-ending list of possible disasters should I socialise. Perhaps I won’t like my drink, perhaps I will spill it, it might be expensive, they might want to share a platter and split the bill, I might get lost or take too long in the bathroom, but the worst is my perpetuating fear that I will have a panic attack in public. It can be pretty much anything my brain can think of and circulate in my head like a sprawling migraine until I relent and cancel.
Of course, we shouldn’t shy away from the ugly side of mental illness and I do have some coping mechanisms that can help me get out and about, but I cannot help but think even these are adding to the problem.
I dictate where we go because I need to see the menu beforehand, plan my route to the counter, toilets and fire exits. I cannot handle spur of the moment decisions, so pub crawls and shopping trips are out of the question. I can’t drink because although it puts my anxiety at ease it heightens depression. Being the only sober one at a gathering means my patience wears thin, especially when everyone reaches that merry stage. When I hit my daily limit of pretending to be friendly, I simply get up and leave. Halfway through a conversation, a drink or a meal? I don’t care. Once my limit is reached I am out of there. The problem with that is, aside from the obvious rudeness, I forget that I am not the only one with mental health problems. I forget that my actions may negatively impact those I am with but at that moment in time I simply cannot see it.
So, you see, it is no wonder making friends that stick around is hard. Finding friends who will willingly stand by me during my bad days is even harder. I know I let people down at the last minute and I see why they are reluctant to make plans with a person who may drop them with less than an hour’s notice, but bear with me, I am trying.
Until the time comes when my anxiety doesn’t rule my every action, please approach with caution.
Many children these days are growing up in a family where someone close has a mental illness. Talking to children about mental health isn’t always easy but it shouldn’t be saved for times of crisis. We, as parents have a duty to talk to our children so they can spot the signs in themselves and others, and know where to turn to should they need help.
How do we broach such a subject?
Pick your moments. Children respond well to a good old hear-to-heat, but these conversations do not need to be intense. Often children are more open whilst doing something such as tidying up or in the car on a short journey. Older children may prefer writing a note or sending a message. Whichever suits, the key is to make them feel comfortable enough to talk.
What do we say?
Cover the basics in terms they understand, perhaps use a personal reference. As parents, we often overthink conversations like this making them more complicated than they need to be. At the simplest levels, children need to know that our brains can get sick just like our bodies.
Sometimes mummy’s brain gets poorly and the doctor helps to make it better
Use analogies: Ask them what they would do if their tummy hurts? Would they tell someone, would they speak up and see the doctor? Explain that if their brain was not working properly they should do the same and that just because everyone cannot see the tummy ache that it is still real. Don’t be afraid to answer their questions or say that you do not know but will find out. Children want to know is that it is okay to ask questions, tell you how they feel and that gaining treatment is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
Typical questions children ask:
Can you catch it? (Answer: No)
Does it hurt? (Answer: Sometimes it can hurt both physically and mentally)
Will I get ill? (Answer: You might, but that is okay)
Is it my fault X got ill? (Answer: No, it is no one’s fault, not even theirs)
Teach them to look out for their friends
Half of all mental health problems are established before the age of fourteen.
Ask them how often they ask how their friends are. Sometimes the simplest question can tell you a lot.
Most importantly, reassure them that it is okay for them to talk about themselves and their friends. Tell them that if they wanted to talk to someone else you wouldn’t be cross.
Finally, it is important to make sure they feel loved and supported. Each child displays/accepts love and support in different ways. It doesn’t matter how it matters that you ensure they feel valued. Children are more likely to be open and honest with you if they feel secure.
Today, more than ever it is important to lift the stigma and presumptions surrounding mental health.
Don’t judge a person’s illness because you can’t physically see it.
As adults, we can recognise and talk about our feelings about anxiety, but with children, it is a little harder. Children generally cannot directly say that they are feeling anxious so it is important that we learn to recognise the signs.
Below are seven signs to watch out for:
Pessimism is a clear indicator of anxiety. It can show in the form of always expecting the worst or feeling nervous that something bad will happen. This can show in the form of your child being afraid of going to school in case the car crashes or the house burns down. It can also show in smaller ways too like worrying they will fall over if they run.
It is common for children with anxiety to experience headaches and stomach pains. Dr M. Greshon has coined the term “second brain” referring to the stomach. Unlike the brain, the stomach can only send physical messages hence the pain signals to the brain. This may come in the form of tightness, butterflies, aches and cramps.
It is understandable that when your child creates a nice picture they want it to look just as they imagined it but when it takes over other activities it can become intrusive. If they destroy something they have made because of a small mistake or become panicked/enraged, this can be a sign that they have anxiety. Help your child to understand that everyone makes mistakes and that it is okay for things to not be perfect.
This goes hand in hand with perfectionism. Many children and teens often cope with fear or mistakes by putting off doing something. Others’ may procrastinate because they feel overwhelmed, they might think the task is too difficult thus they put it off as long as is possible. You can help your child by breaking tasks into smaller parts so that they feel accomplished and rewarding them after completing each part.
Anxious children often find it hard to settle and sleep at night. Setting a bedtime routine can lower anxiety. If your child is worried that you may leave after they fall asleep try checking in on them regularly to reassure them that you are still there.
Both adults and children with anxiety tend to have irrational fears. Whilst adults can generally understand and push through, children cannot grasp this. The feelings they feel are very real to them so it is important to explain to them the rationale behind their emotions.
If you notice that your child prefers to eat alone or is extremely picky about food and timings, then it is a clear sign they have anxiety.
“Picky eating is associated with anxiety, depression and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder”. Children who had intense food aversions (like being unable to eat outside of the home) “were seven times more likely to have social anxiety and twice as likely to have a diagnosis of depression compared to children without selective eating habits.”
Paediatrics journal
You know your child best. Use these guidelines to help your child overcome anxiety but it is important to understand that there are signs not listed above. If you need further support do contact your GP.
