The Devon Clinic

Tag: counselling

  • Single Parent Support

    Single Parent Support

    Single Parent Stress Manegment Programme

    Restrictions are lifting, and the shops are starting to open. We are learning to adapt to the new normal. But what about those parents and single-parent families that for the past three months lockdown has meant nothing more than their four walls, allotted exercise and the company of their child? Add to that the daily battles of homeschooling, entertainment and separation from others. And we haven’t even touched on shopping, finances and chores!

    It has been a joy for many, but for others, it has become a battle of wills. Some have fully thrown themselves into home life with messy houses, zoom parties, late nights and Blue Peter style works of art, while others have fought hard to retain a sense of routine and normality. No one is to say which is right; after all, we have all gone through something extraordinary and come out a little bleary-eyed.

    There are many things still to be decided about the world around us and the so-called new normal changes almost daily, but one thing that has stood firm is that there is support out there for those who need it. You do not need to hit rock bottom before reaching out and asking for a helping-socially distanced hand. Below Anna tells of her experience after reaching out to us at the end of last year.

     

    Can You Help Us Help You?

    Thanks to support from the National Lottery, we have become a trusted haven for many parents across Torbay over the past 5 plus years. However, this is not an infinite pot, and we feel it is incredibly important that our support remains in place, especially during these turbulent times, so we need your help. We are once again applying to the National Lottery for further funding, and we need supporting evidence that the services we provide are benefiting our community.

     

    Anna tells us first hand how she found our Single Parent Stress Management Package

     

    single parent packageI wasn’t expecting to become a single parent to 6 children, but that is what happened. In this new world, I found many difficult challenges ahead of me, especially with my low self-esteem. This is where my experience with The Devon Clinic began.

    It was during a home visit with my health visitor. Sarah showed me a website and on it was this package designed for people just like me. It provides talking and physical therapies, and I got to choose what I wanted-not something you hear every day running around after children. Together we completed three short online quizzes-that was it, I’d applied! I knew someone was going to contact me, but I still worried I’d done it wrong.  Would they reject me?

    It didn’t take long for The Devon Clinic to contact me and say that I was eligible for the package. They explained everything to me, and I felt reassured and informed about what was going to happen. I was even told in great detail how to find them and reassured that I could phone them for support if I got lost on the way.

     

    My First Single Parent Package Visit

    My gosh, was I nervous! Thoughts rushed through my head about being late, where to park, getting lost, saying too much or not enough. All that was put aside as I was made to feel welcome and instantly feel at ease. The waiting room was calm, and the receptionist was friendly and quite happily chatted away with me.

    For my initial consultation, I met with Chris Fleet. He was really friendly and approachable, which is very important for me, especially as I suffer badly from anxiety in new situations. We talked about what I wanted to gain out of my sessions-not something you often hear! I was surprised all these doors were open just for me.

    We decided hypnotherapy would be a beneficial starting place.

     

    My First Hypnotherapy Session

    My anxiety got the better of me before my first appointment, and I bought my 20-year-old daughter along for reassurance and calm my nerves. That was all put at ease, and I remember leaving my first session relaxed and reassured. It was strange having ‘me’ time—a whole hour of relaxing on a comfy reclining chair feeding my mind positive thoughts. I hadn’t felt that relaxed in a very long time. That was definitely one to put in the reference box for stressful times.

     

    Relationship Counselling

    I found relationship counselling with Marissa Acton helped me feel a lot better about myself and my single-parent status. It feels so nice to know me despite everything I “think” I am. I found it reassuring to be told that others don’t see what I think of myself-those negative stories we can all often get caught in our heads with. Marissa helped me see things differently, and now I don’t blame myself for my past.

    After all my sessions were completed, I was able to contact the clinic for advice and places I could turn to. This resulted in my taking one giant leap of faith and finding a small volunteer role as a receptionist. My anxiety and self-esteem would have made this an impossible feat before partaking in this package.

    For anyone thinking of applying for the single parent package, do it! They are always very flexible with appointment times and understand the need for them to be in school/nursery hours. My experience is a testament to the value that this has for an individual. I now believe a little more in myself, I have put myself out there, and I am taking control of the things I can control and letting go of what I cannot.

    Anna, Paignton

  • My anxiety is awful for me but worse for my boyfriend

    “I appreciate that he tries to understand my struggle with anxiety, but I wish he didn’t have to.”

    For myself with anxiety, my boyfriend is an enigma. He drives long distances, eats expired foods, phones to order take away and goes to crowded places, all without fear. When we went to see Star Wars, the movie, the character in front of the theatre didn’t make my boyfriend think of a mass shooter. Not me. I have anxiety and it’s sometimes crippling. The very thought of one terrible thing happening on my way to work will have me frantically googling such things as ‘does invisible mould exist?’

    According to the internet, it is my boyfriend that has to learn to deal with me, like I am some exotic houseplant and you are unsure how/when to water it. Plastered over millions of websites are articles admonishing the partners to be more understanding, accepting and tolerant. Statements such as “Learn everything you can about your partner’s condition,” The more you can make yourself able to have thick skin, the better it is.”

    My boyfriend and I have learned to internalize these messages. He has listened, learned and adapted. Once when I freaked as to whether the meat we had cooked was safe to eat, he simply bought me a thermometer so I could check for myself. His gentle encouragement in getting me to Google less outrageous notions and his growing to understand my weird thinking patterns is much appreciated. It doesn’t make me feel better at the fact he has to learn to understand me at all.

    When I do have a panic attack, it’s just about the worst thing I have ever felt regardless of that thing being no big deal at all. I do feel a sadness that my panic attacks have affected him. After one particular episode, he broke down in tears through the frustration that my brain just could allow me to enjoy myself.

    It is also embarrassing. During the attack, I don’t care how I look or how ‘crazy’ I am being but after I seethe with shame. I am constantly terrified of being dramatic. One time I was on a plane, I became so scared that I started breathing into a paper bag-I don’t know why I just know I saw it once in a movie. My anxiety isn’t my fault. It is hard to see it that way when you have to leave the cinema part way through a space movie because the notion of space being that big scares you. It is also hard when I tell myself just to love my boyfriend that little bit more than I could snap out of this and make everything better for him.

    Rationally thinking, I know my anxiety is part of who I am. It does affect how I treat people and how I react, and sometimes it just feels really awful. But sometimes it makes me more empathetic, like when my boyfriend/best friend is nervous or sad because I know better than most how that feels and what it takes to relieve that stressor. I don’t get mad or lose my temper when someone can’t bring themselves to do something or even talk to me about it.

    My anxiety is just a part of me. I believe in therapy, meditation, medication, or whatever makes you feel more grounded. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I will always just be an anxious person and just like any other personality trait, someone has, anxiety is just that: a train. It is something to be aware of, listen to and talk about but it is something you can live with.

    People with anxiety are not a monolith. The best advice for dating an anxious person comes from that.

  • How to control anger effectively

    Anger Management

    Anger is a result of feeling frustrated, insulted, deceived or even under attack. For many, anger is a natural reaction that passes quickly. In some instances, however, it can become a difficult emotion to control. Health issues linked to unresolved anger include high blood pressure, heart attack, depression, anxiety, colds, flu and problems with digestion.

    The general advice given for anger management includes counting to ten and breathing slowly as counting to 10 gives you time to cool down so you can think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out while breathing out longer than breathing in, and relax as you breathe out will help calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly. Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking, swimming, yoga and meditation are just a few of the activities that can help reduce stress. Although these treatments are useful and effective, they are often short-lived.

    Because of this, people who become angry are often in search of ways and treatments to help their case in the long run.

    There are private courses and therapists who can help with anger issues. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation.

    Hypnotherapy has proven to be an effective way to control angry outbursts. The initial aim of the hypnotherapist will be to understand the root cause of your anger will work on a conscious and unconscious level to help change your negative thought processes and hopefully, this will achieve a difference in your reaction to anger triggers. Feeling calmer in stressful situations helps you think more clearly so you can react more appropriately.

    Most anger management involves learning forms of stress management, these techniques will help reduce the triggers that bring about anger in the first place.