Are you a single parent waiting for schools to return?
School holiday stress is a real thing. Holidays are supposed to be fun.
Six weeks of sunshine, days out, ice creams and happy children making memories.
At least, that’s what social media would have us believe.
The reality for many single parents can look very different.
It can mean trying to keep children entertained while still working, worrying about money, dealing with disrupted routines and hearing “I’m bored” for what feels like the 400th time before lunchtime.
And unlike a two-parent household, there may not be someone else there at the end of the day to say, “Your turn.”
So, if you’re finding the school holidays stressful, you certainly won’t be the only one.
Here are a few things that might make them a little easier.
Lower the expectations
You do not have to create an amazing experience every single day.
Children don’t need six weeks of theme parks, expensive activities and carefully planned adventures.
Some of the things they remember most can be incredibly simple: a picnic in the park, going for a walk, building a den in the living room, kicking a football around or having a film afternoon with some popcorn.
Try not to compare your summer with somebody else’s highlights on Facebook or Instagram.
You’re seeing their best twenty minutes, not necessarily the other 23 hours and 40 minutes of their day.
Keep some sort of routine
Children often say they want complete freedom during the holidays, but most of us cope better when there is at least a little structure.
That doesn’t mean having every hour planned.
Something as simple as having roughly the same wake-up time, meal times and bedtime can help.
You could also create a loose plan for the week so everybody knows what is happening.
For example, one day might be a day out, another might be a home day and another might simply be a trip to the park.
Routine reduces the number of decisions you have to make as well, which can be helpful when you already have a lot on your mind.
Don’t try to entertain them constantly
It is okay for children to be bored.
In fact, boredom can be good for them.
It encourages children to use their imagination, find things to do and become more independent.
You are their parent. You are not their full-time holiday entertainment manager.
If they tell you they’re bored, you don’t necessarily have to immediately solve the problem for them.
Sometimes “I’m sure you’ll think of something” is a perfectly reasonable answer.
Get outside
When everybody has been indoors for too long, tempers can start getting shorter.
Getting outside can change the atmosphere remarkably quickly.
You don’t have to go anywhere particularly exciting.
Go for a walk. Take a ball to the park. Walk along the beach. Explore somewhere locally that you haven’t been before.
Physical activity is good for both adults and children and can help reduce stress and improve mood.
And importantly, many outdoor activities are free.
Give yourself five minutes
When you’re a single parent, getting time completely to yourself can be difficult.
So don’t wait for the perfect opportunity.
Look for small ones.
If the children are watching television safely, make yourself a cup of tea and sit quietly for five minutes.
If they’re playing, resist the temptation to immediately use every spare minute to clean the kitchen.
Sometimes the washing can wait.
Taking a few minutes to reset can make a considerable difference to how you respond when the next argument, spilt drink or crisis arrives.
Notice when you’re becoming overwhelmed
Stress often builds gradually.
You might notice that you’re becoming more irritable, you’re snapping more quickly, you’re struggling to sleep or everything suddenly feels like hard work.
Try to notice those warning signs rather than waiting until you’ve completely had enough.
If you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed, change something.
Get everybody outside. Cancel something that doesn’t really need to happen. Phone somebody. Ask for help.
You don’t get extra points for doing everything on your own.
Use the people around you
Being a single parent doesn’t have to mean being alone.
If you have family, friends or other parents you trust, talk to them.
Perhaps you can swap childcare occasionally. Meet another parent at the park. Arrange a play date. Have somebody round for coffee.
Sometimes simply being around another adult can make the day feel much easier.
And if somebody offers genuine help, consider saying yes.
Don’t feel guilty about screen time
Screens can become another source of parental guilt during the holidays.
Of course, sitting in front of a screen all day probably isn’t ideal.
But neither is a stressed and exhausted parent desperately trying to create wholesome activities from 7am until bedtime.
If an hour watching a film or playing a game gives you some breathing space, that’s okay.
It’s about balance rather than perfection.
Remember that difficult moments pass
There will probably be arguments.
There will probably be days when the children are fed up.
There may be days when you’re fed up too.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
One bad morning doesn’t have to become a bad day, and one bad day certainly doesn’t have to become a bad summer.
When things go wrong, reset and start again.
And finally, look after yourself too
When you’re responsible for everybody else, your own wellbeing can gradually move to the bottom of the list.
But looking after yourself isn’t selfish.
Eat properly. Get outside. Speak to other adults. Exercise when you can. Take the occasional five minutes without feeling guilty about it.
And if things are becoming more difficult than simply having a stressful few weeks, talk to somebody.
Being a single parent can be enormously rewarding, but it can also be exhausting.
You don’t have to be calm every minute of every day.
You just need enough moments of calm to help you deal with the moments that aren’t.